For a little over two years I have been mourning the loss of my job. As a single mother, my job was my purpose. It was how I provided for my family. It was my identity.
Since that time, I’ve really struggled with finding my purpose. Just being home hasn’t been enough. My kids are school age and don’t require constant care. There are 7 hours a day when they’re away at school, when they don’t need me that is empty and directionless in my life.
I’ve been lost and unhappy, not really sure how to fill this time. I’ve questioned what my purpose is over and over.
Also in this giant gap in my world is a lack of a social life. I’ve tried to make friends since moving here to Oregon, but I’ve yet to do more than crest the “friendly acquaintance” bar. My neighborhood doesn’t exactly extend itself to warm welcomes. Everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. The barn is far enough from the house that no one who boards there lives close and I’m not there enough to really cement relationships. Plus my schedule to be there is kind of erratic. The other barns I’ve boarded at were full of drama. I didn’t particularly want to bring those friendships into the rest of my life.
Having one vehicle doesn’t help. We’re not exactly on a bus line either, so that limits opportunities to join a group or do volunteer work. (I really should explain my neighborhood sometime in relation to town and things- maybe I should give you a photo tour of my house as well).
I tried to do some sewing this winter so I could sell some horsewear on ebay, feel productive and contribute to our income. Only, I don’t have the patience to really follow through day in and day out. I found it tedious and I was pretty bored out of my mind.
Summer is coming. The kids will be out of school soon. Finding a part time job, even if the unemployment rate here wasn’t over 10% would be silly. Daycare alone would negate any financial benefits of my working and I surely don’t want to cost us more money that way.
We live hundreds of miles away from friends and family. Well, my friends and all of our family. The Corporate Prince has work friends who live about 40 miles away, plus or minus a little. That’s a bit far for socializing for the most part.
Hmm… I also seem to have developed this crippling “I can’t” mentality I need to overcome.
Over the next few months I’m going to explore what my purpose is and the process of finding a social life. As always, your input is appreciated.
Outside of work, church and family, what serves as a platform for social function for you? Where have you bonded with people that have turned into good friends? Do you feel like you have a purpose in life? Do you do something daily that gives you joy? How do you find fulfillment?
Thats a hard one. I moved to WI. I only knew 1 person here. I try and not overwhelm her as she has a husband and 3 kids. I joined a Church but still I only have the one close friend here. I do have the part time job and I am trying to expand the hobby stuff (goats, chickens) I don’t have a easy answer. It’s hard. I have leaned more on my faith here then I did up in AK.
Thanks Aunt Krissy. I’m glad that I’m not the only one having people bonding issues and that I’m not some how broken or unlikable. Maybe it’ll get better after we move.
Awww, I’m sorry you’re having a rough go at it… that lonely, pointless feeling is so painful:-( Hugs.
Have you looked into doing volunteer work for a small animal rescue or a type of horse rescue? I found my most lasting friendships through volunteering and belonging to Southeastern Greyhound club… what about pet therapy with Copper? How would he do with nursing home visits?
Hang in there!
I actually plan on doing some volunteer work after we move and get settled, so probably really not until next fall-ish. We’re moving come June/July.
As for Copper, he’s still got the mystery illness that has his white blood cell count sky high. He doesn’t get to go anywhere, not even a walk as he’s already immuno-compromised. When we move, we’ll be taking him to a different set of vets in the Portland area. A group that CP knows personally to be of the highest quality. Hopefully they can find an answer.
I write – I can’t always ride and my job is just a job, I don’t really get any fulfillment at it. The one thing I can always count on is writing.
You don’t have to write to make money and you don’t have to make money at writing to be a “writer”.
Alot of people get stuck writing before they even start because they think they have to get published… you don’t.
I know it’s not everyone’s thing but it brings me a little bit of joy everyday.
I blog, so that is writing. I don’t post everything I write.
I just picked up this wonderful book called “The Daily Writer” by Fred White. It has 366 exercises for writing in it. I’m planning on doing one or two of the exercises a week for my blog as filler. Hopefully some of those exercises will start showing up on CP’s “Serial Storyteller” blog as well, although he’s busy putting together a submission for a publishing house.
I think one great way of meeting people is to spend time doing an activity you love, preferably that is dependent on other people too. I pretty much live and breathe rock climbing and I’ve found that a great way to meet people. The community is fantastic because everybody knows you need other people to belay you, you can’t really ever climb safely alone. I find that people are very open and up for a chat and are happy to pass around phone numbers to meet up in the future.
Now I’m not saying to immediately run out and join a rock gym, but perhaps getting involved in a group or club that’s similar? Or one that runs events nearby? I also joined a hiking group when I moved here and I found it really fun and also great to meet a variety of people. If you really want to make more friends and get involved, I always think the best way is to do something you already know you like. Then you’ll be surrounded be like-minded people and that’s at least one step in the right direction. Good luck!
Thanks Girl! I’ve already planned on doing something like this when we move up to the LO/Sherwood area. My passions run towards the canine and equine varieties, though I’ve always wanted to try rock climbing. However, I’m afraid of heights. Maybe you can talk me into giving it a go when you move home?
Hmmmmmm…….I guess my purpose is finishing my education. At least for right now…lol!!!!
Maybe you will find a nicer community when you move? Sorry to hear that you feel so lonely.
Hang in there, kay????
I’m hoping so and I will! Maybe I just need to make a trip north…
Are you still interested in making me a couple of tail bags? I have two lycra ones that are great, but they are too short. I have two in another material that are long enough, but the material breaks the hair. I need long lycra ones, but I can’t find them anywhere.
Yes, yes, yes! How long? Do you care about color? I have a bunch of lycra I’m not using and I’m still mostly bored all day. It would be my pleasure!
North would be good!!! LOL!!! About those Arabs….I have always had and ridden them, but in my old age, I am beginning to like 1/2 Arabs (and I mean 1/2, not 3/4 or 7/8, or 15/16 etc…) and QH’s. Like you, I have always thought that Arab’s are more of a “people” breed than others, but I have known a few QH’s, TB’s, Morgan’s….who are like that as well.
I guess I want something that thinks before it flips out; not flips out and then thinks…lol!!! Also, the switch has to do with my kidlets. Because we do a lot of trail riding, I want them on something that is steadfast and reliable. Now I grew up trail riding and showing Arab’s, and I did just fine, but I have had numerous close calls, and I do not want my kid’s to be placed in those types os situations.
Take Bo (our Arab) for instance. Here he is, almost 21 and there is no way either of my kids (nor any rider who is not experienced) can take him out on the trail. I have let them ride him while I pony him, but not on their own. He is great in the arena with them, but that is because I can control the situation. (In Bo’s defense, I will say that he is not a spooky horse, and in fact, he hardly ever does, he is just a LOT of horse…lol!!!)
Anywho…thanks for listening (like you had any choice, right??? Teeheehee!!) I can totally relate to your feelings towards Casey, and your wanting an Arab. I honestly don’t know if I could separate myself from them (Arab’s) completely either. It would have to be just the right horse, right???
Have a good day!!!
I think my heart will always belong to Arabs. CP loves the Friesians and we hope to have them one day. I like the Andalusians as well and they’re a more likely possibility. But, my heart has belonged to Arabs ever since my older sister started working for Sweet Home Arabians years and years ago.
The few Paints and Quarters I’ve loved have mostly passed away by now. I keep seeing an add in your area for Kittywampum Bars and I knew her when she was much younger. I’ve toyed with the idea of her for our second horse off and on. If you wanted to add a Paint to your horse family, I’d steer you in her direction.
Of course, I second guess myself with Casey constantly. Tasha just called to say she had a great ride on him yesterday and she was so proud of him. She also said that there’s been a complete turn around in him in the last day or so. We’ll have to see if it sticks.
Hi there! I popped over to your blog because I saw your comment in mugwump’s blog and thought “oregon sunshine, eh? I wonder if she lives by me!” Anyway, I live in the downtown Vancouver area and board about 15 minutes north of here. There are some great barns in the area surrounding Portland. Let me know if you want advice or help on what’s up here. I think it’s smart to move north. I mean, I know the area you’re in and it’s pretty but there is SO MUCH more to do the closer you get to the city!
Hi Kathryn! Thanks for stopping by! My husband works in Lake O, so we’re thinking the Sherwood/Tualatin/Lake O area. Any help or advice you can give about boarding in that area would be awesome! I’d love to board at the Lake O Hunt Club, but it may be too spendy and Casey is a WP horse, not h/j or dressage or eventer like seems to be mainly there. Also, we pretty much need full care or at least the boarding barn’s hay as my husband is seriously allergic and shouldn’t move any bales (as I’m too weeny to wrestle a 3-string bale) nor should I be transporting hay in the back of my truck for said reason.
What’s your travel range? Do you need a WP trainer specifically? Any requirements re turn out, etc.? If you want, you can e-mail me at smith.kathryne at gmail.
Working on an email, thanks!
Thanks so much! They just need to be rectangular bags with two ties at one end. The ones I have are 19″ and i would like to double that so 40″ inches would be great. No worries about colour…my horses are not proud. Let me know how to pay you and how much!
I will get on it in the next couple days!
I am late to this party!
I had fun reading all the thoughts/suggestions though.
I am very glad that the Vancouver gal may help with boarding for that area of town…over there!
I am such a Clackamas Co. local person..just don’t know.
I did grow up riding at LOHC though..and I am pretty sure that there is no turn out, unless something has changed. They may not believe in it.
Casey, he does get that now, turnout, right?
I personally think you could do better. It was old when I was riding there and I was only 10.
Well, I am sorry that you are forlorn, but talking about it is good to keep it real and helps those of us know more about you. You are so human, I love human and real people like you! No hiding.
Change seems to motivate more change and this seems perfect timing for you now…
I think volunteering is awesome, I do something every year … how ever God leads. Hospice, driving people for the county that need to go to health apts. Service to humanity is a perfect purpose to have always…even if it is not a on a schedule or roster…having the time to see what is ion front of you like you have is something most others don’t have the luxery of. We do what our time allows. me being self employed lets me have another leeway for doing helpful or fun things as they come up.
This year, mine seems to be taking people to the horses…and to the country to be around them. I am fianlly in a place that will allow me to bring them and be at ease doing so.
I do look forward to meeting you !And hopefully a ride once in awhile can be had by us…!
Kac
BIG P.S. Let me know if I may help move you, as well..I do have my sissy’s truck and trailer till fall.
Shoot me a mail (E) that is..I may forget to come back to see your reply…bad brain without much sleep, of late!
Sure will Kacy after I get some sleep! I haven’t been sleeping much for worrying over Casey.