<Insert Vampire Voice>
It was a bright and sunny afternoon!
<insert regular voice> (Hey! If you were from the PNW, you’d perfectly understand why this is scary. It might be 300 more days before you see the sun again. Anyways, on with our story…)
It was a bright and sunny day. The night before had been dark and thunderously stormy. But now, it was bright and sunny.
It was the day before Halloween. I took Rock’em out for a mid-afternoon stroll. We observed that the storm the night before had left about a foot of water in the buckets I had left outside to clean. Dumping them out, I took pleasure in the thought that my chore had been done for me by Mother Nature. I silently thanked Her and took Roxie for a walk down the driveway to relieve herself.
Roxanne, unlike her usual self, took forever to pick a spot and squat. We then walked the 50 or so yards back up the driveway to the house.
Just as I reached the back porch steps it happened! I was bit by something!
Without looking, I quickly swatted at whatever was biting my leg.
It happened again!
I looked down and nearly screamed.
I was covered in fire ants. My yoga pants and garden clogs had HUNDREDS of the little buggers swarming me! From right above the ankles down, my legs were a brownish-red crawling, wriggling mass.
Quick thinking had me letting Rox in the house to free up my hands and get her out of harm’s way.
I spent the next 15 minutes swatting and stomping ants off of me. More swatting than stomping, I’m afraid.
At last I was ant free. And I wanted revenge!
I quickly got out the shaker of ant death and applied liberally to every mound I could find. There were more than 20 mounds in all along the driveway. I didn’t venture off the concrete at all.
The ants became angry and swarmed out of their mounds. It reminded me of the 1970s movie, Ants!, where fire ants terrorized a town, killing people.
I had to be quick and pay attention to my feet, even on the concrete drive to avoid them. One more lone ant managed to land a stinging blow before meeting his death at my hand.
I learned my lesson. Even the concrete drive isn’t safe from the biting little bastards!
With any luck, the ant death will work and keep the area around the driveway fire ant free for the next month.
Then, the battle will begin once again.
*** Seriously though, I did have nightmares all night last night. I’ll blame the fire ants, even though my nightmares weren’t ant based. I dreamed that Bad Pants didn’t love me any more and that he moved out and took all the blankets with him (I was cold). Then, I jerked awake to a loud bang from my dream in which Merlin crashed through a closet door head on and had a skull fracture. In the dream, I got to him as he was sinking to the ground and I woke just before he passed away. It was a very disturbing night for dreams for me.