Yes, I am Out of Service. I have been for a week.
You see, last Tuesday, I was chatting on the phone outside with Mrs. Mom when suddenly, a spaceship landed out back. Green Men came piling out of it and in my fear, I took off running. They chased me all the while brandishing an ice pick like device that I must assume was their probing tool. I tripped over one of them, a particularly crafty one, leading me to believe the fall was not accidental. My phone went flying. Mrs. Mom was left hanging on the line, listening to the accident as it happened. As I fell, their probe entered my right elbow, exposing the joint capsule.
Dude quickly ran inside to get Bad Pants for help. And alas! The Green Men had all disappeared back into their spaceship and flown away in the seconds it took for him to get outside. Bad Pants helped me up, took me inside and cleaned my wounds.
Final wound tally:
Bilateral injuries to elbow and knee. Elbow suffered severe road rash, chunk of flesh missing creating a hole exposing bone. Knee has road rash, bruise and feels like a wobble board when I walk. And left hand missing a small chunk out of the side where I landed on it.
I have been wearing vet wrap in multiple colors for the past week and taking copious amounts of ibuprofen. Knee and hand are unbandaged. Ibu is now discontinued as I do too much on it, exacerbating the injury and slowing healing.
I’m out of commission, numbering one among the walking (or limping) wounded. I feel near helpless and am off all dog walking and pony duty for the foreseeable future. Glad my girls are here to help lighten the load and that Bad Pants isn’t traveling
Like the Gloria Gaynor song, I will survive. And at least I’ll have another gnarly scar to add to my collection.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.