Archive for the ‘The Weird’ Category

Had no idea my former Yard Guys had talent beyond tying down loads!  Great job, guys!

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Almost a month ago, we had the tornado siren go off here.  I was on the phone at the time and didn’t hear it.  Even after Bad Pants got me off the phone, I still couldn’t hear the siren.  Not from inside the closet next to the brick fireplace, the safest place in the house, nor outside the closet in our bedroom.  I’m not sure I could have heard it if I was standing outside, as the tone seems to be right under my hearing register when the sound travels any distance.

This has caused some consternation for us.  How am I to hear a weather emergency like that?  It’s not like our area uses air raid sirens, which I can here.  Instead, this is the siren they use, which I can’t hear from the 4 miles away we are from it.

That is what our siren sounds like.  Annoying when I’m listening to it on Youtube, impossible for me to hear in real life.

Most of the time, Bad Pants is home to alert me.  Or Dude.  But there are times that perhaps one or both won’t be around, or will be using earbuds or headphones and not hear the warning.

I have plans to teach Barrow to alert me to this specific sound once he gets older.  Only, I have to figure out how to teach him to do that.  If I can puzzle that out, I can teach Roxanne NOW.

Eventually, we want to get a couple of these:

But, as you can imagine, they are not exactly inexpensive.  And I’d need more than one for our home.  And I need the vibrator as we have lightening often enough that the strobe light you can get to go with it might not be enough to wake me.  Though, ideally, one of these with a loud alarm noise should do the trick to get my attention.

Of course, we’re still researching these units.  Some are pre-programmed for your area at the manufacturer’s, which is nice.  Apparently this particular model is not.

In the mean time though, I’ve found a couple text and email notification websites.  They’re free, as long as you use only one location.  I signed up to use this one and this one.  I’d like to compare the services before I shell out money for multiple locations monthly (we live on the border of 3 counties).  However, the drawback here is that my cell phone doesn’t always have signal during thunderstorms.

We are actively researching, plotting and planning for tornadoes.  And preparing for a future that might become quieter for me some day.

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Dear Alaska,

Thank you so very much for sending the beautiful snow on Christmas.  I really, really enjoyed such a lovely, sentimental taste of home!   I have been missing your majestic beauty, yes that’s true.  I have been missing my friends there very much as well.  However, could you please not send me another ice storm?  Really, I’d be happy if you kept them to yourself.    Or, at least wait until I’m properly prepared with a snow shovel, ice grips and ice melt?  This having to chip ice off the driveway to make a safe path to carry water to the horses with a clam-digging shovel the Landlord has laying around is really for the birds!  And where in the heck is he digging clams here?  The ocean is more than 5 hours away!

Really, I don’t mind the hauling of multiple buckets of  water for 100 yrds a couple times a day or the cold, but better footing is much appreciated for future reference.  Oh, and can you wait until I’m not sick and Bad Pants isn’t injured?  K, thanks!



PS I don’t think Molly enjoys the crunch of the ice covered snow under her hooves much.  It’s weirding her out!

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I’ve spent the last 3 1/2 weeks wrapped, bandaged or band-aided.  And if you have to be injured that long, you should get to have your bandages be fun and colorful.

Bandages have come such a long, long way in the last 29 years (when I was 6).  No longer do you have a choice just between new, groovy fabric band aids and the original plastic ones, you get to pick from a myriad of colors, characters and styles!

First, I went through 4 rolls of vet wrap.  Black, blue, pink and purple.  I tried name brand Vet Wrap and Co-Flex both.  I prefer Co-Flex because it tears nicer and you don’t have to cut it from the roll when you’re done wrapping.  Although, Vet Wrap feels softer on your skin and is more flexible.  (From here on out, I will be stocking my barn with Co-Flex- who has time to go look for scissors?)

I spent the holidays all fun and colorful.  I also learned that non-stick gauze pads CAN and DO stick!  I’ve used enough peroxide to soak off gauze pads to have turned any one of my readers blonde.

From there, I graduated to giant band aids designed for knees.  The suck about this is that they’re less absorbent than the gauze/vet wrap combo and I had to change it 2-3 times a day.  But, I had more use of my elbow since it wasn’t stuck out straight from vet wrap.  Unfortunately, giant band aids only come in band aid flesh tone.

Once that graduation occurred, I became quite bored with the same ol’, same ol’ on my elbow.  I began to dream of the day I could move down to regular band aids!  What would I choose?  Hello Kitty?  Scooby Doo?  Power Rangers?  Crayons?  Just plain band aids in bright colors?

I decided I wanted pony band aids.  Of course I wanted pony band aids!  I always want the thing that’s hard to find!  Guess what?  Pony band aids don’t exist.  Not even My Little Pony band aids.  But, I wasn’t out of luck!  I found these:

(Pardon the bad shot.  Bad Pants just taught me how to turn the macro setting on.  I didn’t know about it until AFTER I took the pics.)

Pretty cool, huh?  But wait!  It gets better!  Did you see the words “Free Prize inside”?  They’re kinda like a box of Cracker Jacks!  Only, with a much, much less awesome prize.  See for yourself:

Neither of my girls would have found that puffy lips sticker cool when they were 6.  I dunno but I might have!  Sticker collecting was all the rage then in the ’80s.

But wait!  Did you see this?

Now I know why the Red Bull gathered all the Unicorns up and herded them to the end of the Earth!  It’s become clear that King Haggard sold them to the Chinese so they could hold the Unicorns in captivity, collecting their tears for their awesome healing powers!  And to think that when I was 6, I wanted to travel the world in search of  Unicorns!  They’ve been enslaved in China all this time!

Free the Unicorns!  Free the Unicorns!  Free the Unicorns!  Free the Unicorns!

Ahem!  Pardon my zealousness, but I don’t think King Haggard did the world any favors, nor his kingdom, by selling the Unicorns to Communist China.   After all, it didn’t keep his kingdom nor his castle from falling into poverty.

Ok, where were we again?  Oh yes, the healing powers of Unicorn tears and their uses in band aids.

See the new skin underneath the band aid? The owie was much, much larger! Now only the hole remains, which fits under the pad on the band aid.

I’m waiting for skin growth at this point as everything below that point to the bone has filled in, finally.  I’ll let you know if the Unicorn Tears speed up my healing.  In the mean time, please pray for the release of the Unicorns!

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Oh My!  I have had the most number of injuries at once, ever in my life this past month!

First, I broke a big toe nail that bled.  Then, in my klutziness, managed to whack same said toenail a couple more times, causing the breakage to extend deeper and be harder to repair each time.

This was followed by the probing by the aliens.  (The road rash is mostly gone, the hole slowly healing and my knee is still so deeply bruised 14 days later that I can’t put any pressure on it still).

Then, robots had set a booby trap at my front door.  Just as I was bringing in a stack of boxes (I know!  I carried them with my injured arm and shouldn’t have!), they activated their trap and the door bit me in the Achilles tendon HARD.  And of course, I was barefoot.  I couldn’t wear any shoes with a back for about a week.

Just a couple days later, Sloan thought he saw ghosts in the house and took off running, right under my feet as I was trying to walk.  I avoided squishing the poor kitty, but landed wrong and dislocated a bone in my foot.  The same foot as the one with the seriously bruised heel.

I tried to go vet wrap free on my elbow 10 days after the initial injury, only the skin wasn’t ready to be exposed to air.  It became brittle and cracked.  So, healing was delayed a bit.  (I am safely ensconced in pink vet wrap as I type this).

I played ponies with the kids, then carried a cordura saddle on my hip with my bad arm, re-damaging the skin over the hole.  It popped back open.

I have had to sit out of most of our holiday festivities.  I gave up control of decorating the tree to the kids, sitting back and watching Doodle place all the ornaments she hung with faces, facing inward.  (Were they embarrassed of the tree, I wonder?)

After the tree was put up, I happened to notice it looked a little… off… on Christmas Eve.  A ninja was hiding in our tree, lying in wait for Santa.  I couldn’t possibly let anything happen to Santa, thereby disappointing small children the world over.  So, I quickly engaged the Ninja hiding in our tree head on.  Unfortunately, he had back up.  As I dispatched the last ninja, a star fell out of his hand, puncturing my toe.  The same toe that already has a broken nail.  The star left a puncture, a gash and a deep bruise.  It’s being held together now by glue.  But at least Santa is safe!

Cookie making was turned over to Kitty, with Molasses Men cutouts being done by her with Dude and Doodle.  (Thanks Allison for the recipe!)

Dog biscuits and horse treats did not get made.  Instead, the dogs enjoyed the yummy chummies sent by AKPonyGirl.  The ponies ate a warm mush of oats, molasses, applesauce, carrots and apples.

I have been a good girl, sitting on my butt doing nothing for the last couple days.  It seems that’s the only way I can avoid injury.  I am even afraid to venture out into the snow for fear of falling and breaking my… nose.  Let’s go with that.

Oh yes!  It snowed on Christmas and the day after.  We’ve had about an inch of accumulation.  It’s been a Christmas miracle here in the south.  I’d like to think Freya sent it and was smiling down on me.

Speaking of Freya, I’m just quietly trying to get through this holiday and anniversary season without her.  Her rescue on Christmas Eve and the phone call I received on my birthday all those years ago still remains the best present I’ve ever received.  (You can briefly read about that here).

Happy Birthday to me today.  I think I’m just going to stay curled up here on the couch with Rock’em so I don’t injure myself further.  Let me know when December is finally over and hope the monkeys and pirates don’t make a visit to my house any time soon!

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<Insert Vampire Voice>

It was a bright and sunny afternoon!

<insert regular voice> (Hey!  If you were from the PNW, you’d perfectly understand why this is scary.  It might be 300 more days before you see the sun again.  Anyways, on with our story…)

It was a bright and sunny day.  The night before had been dark and thunderously stormy.  But now, it was bright and sunny.

It was the day before Halloween.  I took Rock’em out for a mid-afternoon stroll.  We observed that the storm the night before had left about a foot of water in the buckets I had left outside to clean.  Dumping them out, I took pleasure in the thought that my chore had been done for me by Mother Nature.  I silently thanked Her and took Roxie for a walk down the driveway to relieve herself.

Roxanne, unlike her usual self, took forever to pick a spot and squat.  We then walked the 50 or so yards back up the driveway to the house.

Just as I reached the back porch steps it happened!  I was bit by something!

Without looking, I quickly swatted at whatever was biting my leg.

It happened again!

I looked down and nearly screamed.

I was covered in fire ants.  My yoga pants and garden clogs had HUNDREDS of the little buggers swarming me!  From right above the ankles down, my legs were a brownish-red crawling, wriggling mass.

Quick thinking had me letting Rox in the house to free up my hands and get her out of harm’s way.

I spent the next 15 minutes swatting and stomping ants off of me.  More swatting than stomping, I’m afraid.

At last I was ant free.  And I wanted revenge!

I quickly got out the shaker of ant death and applied liberally to every mound I could find.  There were more than 20 mounds in all along the driveway.  I didn’t venture off the concrete at all.

The ants became angry and swarmed out of their mounds.  It reminded me of the 1970s movie, Ants!, where fire ants terrorized a town, killing people.

I had to be quick and pay attention to my feet, even on the concrete drive to avoid them.  One more lone ant managed to land a stinging blow before meeting his death at my hand.

I learned my lesson.  Even the concrete drive isn’t safe from the biting little bastards!

With any luck, the ant death will work and keep the area around the driveway fire ant free for the next month.

Then, the battle will begin once again.

*** Seriously though, I did have nightmares all night last night.  I’ll blame the fire ants, even though my nightmares weren’t ant based.  I dreamed that Bad Pants didn’t love me any more and that he moved out and took all the blankets with him (I was cold).  Then, I jerked awake to a loud bang from my dream in which Merlin crashed through a closet door head on and had a skull fracture.  In the dream, I got to him as he was sinking to the ground and I woke just before he passed away.  It was a very disturbing night for dreams for me.

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