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Best.Line.Ever!

In reference to a horse abuse case showing on Judge Judy tomorrow, I read this following quote online today:

“If it had been my horse…I would have been all over that women like a monkey on a cupcake. She wouldn’t have been mentally or physically available to make it to court or any other appearance. lol.”

I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face!

Monkey on a cupcake…

Only in the South!

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Question

So, this year, we will be hosting the company Christmas get together for Bad Pants’ work group.  Now, this doesn’t mean the entire company, but rather those he works closely with here in Atlanta.  We have a large, lovely home designed for entertaining.  I love to cook and I think it would be a lot of fun!

I expect approximately 20 people, 10 guys and their wives.  And apparently wives are kinda optional.

I know this is way in advance, but I want time to try out lots of different recipes on family and any unsuspecting visitors.  🙂

So…

My question is this:

What are some of your favorite appetizers and hors d’oeuvres?  Care to share the recipe?

Thanks!

Weekend Funny

It’s raining cats and dogs here.  I think I might have seen a few monkeys and other exotics as well.  At least we’re getting some much needed rain!  We had 3″ yesterday and they’re calling for 3″ more today.  Supposed to rain all day tomorrow too with tornado warnings on Sunday.  Yay for us!  Ok, that was heavy sarcasm.  I’m under tornado watch now, so I’d best make this short and sweet.  

Enjoy!

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Men’s Age, as determined by a trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house -mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20’s:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30’s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40’s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50’s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms .’

In your 60’s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70’s:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready to. Don’t even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize you’re hanging out the hole in your crotch.

In your 80’s:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

In your 90’s & beyond:
What’s a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

Rant

I’m going to be up front and say that I AM PISSED OFF!  If that offends you, go away and come back some other day.  Please.  Go now.  I don’t have much patience to wait.

Ok, well, hopefully the easily offended are gone now.  I’ve been in a bitch ass mood all day and it’s not getting any better.  Not at all.  It’s been the kind of day that Mrs. Mom says makes Satan quake in his boots and say, “Oh Shit!  She’s UP!”  Yeah, that kind of day…

And just as I thought it was getting better, I went on Facebook.  Oh, I can hear it now!  Y’all are wondering why the hell I went and did something like that when I’m already in a rank mood.  Because, apparently, I can’t decide if I’m sadistic or masochistic today.

Tosca Reno, a woman I admire, who has really caught the media’s eye with her Eat Clean lifestyle, has pushed me over the edge.  What is it she said, you wonder?  Here, I’ll directly copy and paste her quote from Facebook for you:

“I have opened a can of worms but not with ill will.

I want us to think about what we are eating. It may not be popular for me to express my opinion but if it isn’t food that is making us sick then what is? Miss Deen is in a position through her TV and books to teach people how to eat therefore she has a responsibility to the public to include some awareness about what is healthy to consume daily or not. 

It makes me upset that so many of us are fooled about food. There has never before a crisis of health in our nation as there is right now regarding diabetes, particularly diabetes Type 2, a totally unnecessary disease. We can’t be casual about our approach to food. 

Do you think for one second I don’t enjoy birthday cake with my kids or a glass of wine? I have even tried some of Miss Deen’s recipes. What is missing from this whole situation is the plea for common sense. This means limiting those foods that act like poisons to our body and make us sick. I’m not on a high horse about this. I just think it is a terribly sad situation that people would rather defend the delicious taste of a cookie than their own health. My compassion for people is not to profit from books or seminars but out of a genuine concern for what is happening to us. Look at us. Just look at us. I’m frightened by what I see happening. 

So let me keep hearing from you because I need to know your thoughts on this whole issue. It is very important to me.”

– Tosca Reno, Facebook, 1/17/2012 @ 10:30 pm EST

And this was my response to her comment:

 “I’m sick of this ‘blame someone else for our problems / let’s all find a scapegoat garbage’ going around. Look, Paula Deen never made anyone eat her cooking, or cook her recipes, or buy her books or even watch her on TV. Trust me, I’ve turned her off plenty of times. Enthusiastic southern women just kind hit a nerve (and I live in the South). Has nothing to do with them, that’s MY deal.

You want someone to blame, let’s blame the fact that we’ve had 100 years of corporate interests advertising worse and worse things for us to eat. Blame a goverment system that has completely failed the greater good of it’s citizens. Want to blame someone? Blame Monsanto. Blame General Mills. Blame everybody who voted in a politician that appointed a bureaucrat who sold out our children for the expediency of corporate funded health studies paid for by the people trying to sell Americans the crap they claim is healthy.

WE did this. Our Parents did this. Their Parents did this. Paula Deen did not do this! She is not shoving food in OUR faces making little airplane noises or loading OUR grocery carts! She does not force us to buy her cookbooks, eat at her restaurant, cook the things she makes, or force us to watch her shows.

We don’t fix this by blaming a woman who has books and a tv show about regional cooking…we fix this by addressing the REAL problem. WE need to take responsibility for OURSELVES.

-This comment brought to you by Americans sick of everybody finding a new horse to beat to death and then try to ride.”

Now, to be fair and give credit where credit is due, Bad Pants listened to my inarticulate rage and watched me storm around his office absolutely fuming, then took what I said and put it together for me.  Which I deeply appreciate, because, we all know Satan and His minions were cowering in some far corner of Hades, trembling in fear of my wrath.

So, Paula Deen is a spokesman for the Danish diabetes medication company, Novo Nordisk, and apparently that also has Tosca Reno upset.  Well, she’s no more directly responsible for the diabetes of America than Nell Carter or Wilfred Brimley, and they were also spokespeople for diabetes medications!  Or, Patti LaBelle, because she has diabetes and wrote a cookbook for diabetics!  I know!  How about holding any famous person responsible that represented Firestone responsible for the death and accidents that happened before and during Firestorm?  Doesn’t that make as much sense?   The whole thing is utterly ridiculous!

WE are each individually responsible for what we put in our bodies and allow our children to put into their bodies.  No one is forcing us to eat crap!  It’s time people took responsibility for THEIR OWN ACTIONS!  Quit blaming everyone else, America!  It’s each our very own individual fucking fault if what we’re eating is making us unhealthy!  Not some celebrity!

WAKE UP!  We all have free will!  We get to choose what we eat or don’t eat, what we do or don’t do!  BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF!

Oh, and Ms. Reno, that agave nectar you’re so fond of in your cookbooks?  Yeah, it’s about as natural and “clean” as margarine.  It’s also “processed” and animals won’t touch it in the wild.  What makes YOU think it’s so great for the rest of us to consume?  Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?

(see herehere, and here.  Oh, and here.)

</rant>

Had no idea my former Yard Guys had talent beyond tying down loads!  Great job, guys!

Farm Happenings

All ponies boarded out here in Georgia are home!  This occurred on Saturday, when Casey and Molly arrived from Molly’s previous owner’s place.  The moment Casey stepped off the trailer and I took his lead, the last bit of stress and anxiety in my body left.  My life is complete with him home, where I can see him every time I look out the window and can touch him often.

With the arrival of the ponies, my point about the builder’s paddock being too small for 4 horses really came home.  Bad Pants and I spent several hours on Sunday and Monday expanding it, so now they have the better part of 2 acres to move about on.  I am happier and they are happier.

Now that there is more space, the horses seem to be working out the last of their herd dynamic issues and have joined up into a lovely little band.  Peace reigns within the herd.  No drama.  Just happy, munching horses!

I’ve found decent hay for a reasonable price really close to us.  In addition, we met a local farmer who will disc the cleared area for us when we’re ready, and who can give us basic advise while we learn about farming in a climate still fairly new to us.

I’ve stacked a lot of hay in the cottage and started some general cleaning of it.  In the next few weeks I’ll get a sheet of plywood so Bad Pants can re-side the open side where the cottage caught on fire.  While we have plans to move the cottage later, I might as well make it function for my needs now, right?  Right!  That starts with bird proofing it asap.

Next up, we will begin to prepare for the arrival of a flock of chicks at the end of the month!  The peeps will live in the garage where I can monitor them closely for the first few weFeeks.  No pets, pests, or critters will be able to harm them there.  And, I should be able to hear any distress peeps that come out of them in the middle of the night as the master is right above.

February will see me starting cool crop seeds indoors and really prepping the garden.  If it stays mild as it has been, I will likely take the chance to start the garden earlier than our zone would suggest, but will have row covers on hand if necessary.

Later in the spring we will be adding guineas, turkeys and goats to our farm.  I want guineas because they’re great at eating ticks and garden bugs while leaving the produce alone.  And, well, turkeys are just awesome in general.  I’m hoping we’ll be adding at least two dwarf goats (breed undetermined at this time) to our farm with hopes of producing some of our own dairy later on.  I’ll have to see what comes available when we’re closer to ready.

That’s about it for now.  What are your plans for the coming spring?

We have been trying to wrack our brains and come up with a farm name recently.  “Weird Ass” is right out.  First, we don’t have a donkey.  And second, I can’t see naming any horse we have here “Weird Ass ________”,  or even “WA _________” , or having it announced on loud speaker at a show someday.  Oy!  So embarrassing!  So not me!

We’ve toyed with some names and tossed them away.  We’ve been paying attention to what is around here on the property.  Blackberry Hill is out, as there’s a locally famous place with that name in Tennessee, not too far from us.  And, well, I don’t have a hill or even blackberries here.

So, I need your help.  Anyone with any suggestions?  We have eagles, foxes, deer and a run-off creek, which is currently dry.  (Oh the foxes!  They’ve taught Beans to howl, much to my consternation!)  Our farm is full of pines and water oak with a lone pecan out front.  We don’t have a view, are too small to be a ranch, are planning on sporthorses in the future, specifically Friesian X Sporthorses, and yet still want to have goats, make cheese, chickens, eggs, garden, etc.  In short, we want to be a FARM with horses in the mix.

Ideas?